The funny thing is, I’m not mad anymore.

Every after bad experience from a person, the automatic thing you’ll get is mad at that person. Like in relationships, I mean, especially in relationships… there are lot of situations that might lead to water running dry, that’s at least what the song Water Runs Dry says. As long as there is still love you can give to that person, choose where you can still go through. If you think it’s best to end a relationship because it’s turning into pure fights, then let go. At least you won’t get that mad at each other.

I’ve been in a bit the same situation. I’ve been in love to someone who couldn’t love me as much as I’ve given. But still, I continued making that person feel how much I mean the words ‘I love you.’  Until the time came I realized how I’ve been making myself fall out of love. I’ve stalked too much and found such lies. And yes, I’ve been that bitter. But I realized that instead of getting mad at you(Yes, I’m referring to someone now.) and holding much grudge. I’m still thankful. You’ve made me happy more than anyone could. You’ve shown me efforts to at least give back the things I’ve done for you. You’ve accepted the fact that I really do love you. You made me feel something new in my life, just that pure happiness. Until I have complicated things, yes, I guess it was my fault, partly. But whatever is that, I just want to thank you. For that smiles you’ve drew in my face, that butterflies I’ve got in my stomach, and the inspiration and all. I wasn’t really happy that you are now happy… before. But now,  I’m happy you’ve found someone. Honestly.

I’m still hanged on that feeling and can barely move forward. But I know, soon, I will. I’m going to find someone who could make me happier than you did, someone who’ll love me with everything that person could give. Sooner or later, I could talk to you and laugh about how I’ve gone crazy for you. And to end this write-up, I want to thank you, again. And be happy with the one you’re committed now. I’m looking forward to talk to you, soon.

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Just one day…

The cold air that touches me, it makes me feel sad… I couldn’t sleep with the thought of not getting over you. The funny thing is, we never got into relationship, and yet, I’m in this insanely painful condition. I was really in love, I fell. I was happily waiting for weekends because I know you’re going to talk to me. I’m waking up to your call even if that is 1 am, 2, 3 or 4. I’m excited whenever I know there’s a chance we’d meet.  Everything about you makes me happy. I’ve exerted much effort just to show you how much I mean the words ‘I love you.’ to the extent of forgetting to love myself. How selfless. But I was happy with all those. It was my choice. The only thing I forgot to do is to think of an exit strategy. And know I’m having a hard time. It’s been a year. Just so you know. And I thought I was fine, I was okay with it, I was happy that you’re happy, but I AM NOT. The only thing I’m done now is fooling myself that I am happy, that I am fine, because to tell you the truth… I’m getting bad, again. I don’t really have any idea what to do, or where this write-up going… I just miss you. So much. If only I had a choice with the life I’m in, I won’t choose to be in this complicated state. If only I could choose who to love, but I couldn’t. If only everything would go in everyone’s way. It will be perfect. But that’s kind of impossible. But it can be. The thing is, it won’t be perfect. And with all these thoughts, how can I possibly get over it? I’m tired because I tried so hard. Maybe today, I just need to spend time with you. Just one last day with you. And I guess I’m going to figure out something.

Someone, someday…

Is it when you really feel you’re in a need of someone? Or is it when you just want to be with someone? Disregarding of the need-or-want thing, the kooky game of life is one big factor in finding the person to be with, in facing it all. Life wasn’t perfect, nor love that complicates it even more. And if it complicates us, why do we try or do enter such thing? Admit it or not, because it makes you happy and do feel a sense of security knowing that someone will be with you, and, hopefully, won’t give up on you, no matter what. Because we do all get tired. We do change moods. We often change what we want and even our feelings changes.  And making it short, we change. We get tired from the things we used to do, from the things we used to love doing. We lose inspiration and motivating factors in things we do. We forget how it feels to be in love. We forget how warm hugs are. We forget how a kiss feels. We forget how happy we are seeing efforts from the one we love the most. We never had another insanely blushing moment when we’re with someone. We never had all these-and-that because we are out of that kind of game for the years passed. At times when we really do feel tired and all, is the same time when we realize that it would really help to have someone beside you. Someone who will say that you can, even though you haven’t told him what’s happening. Someone who will give you the tightest and warmest hug, especially at their worst. Someone who will make you feel his presence because he knows that thing is what is important. Someone who’ll simply be there, for you, no matter what the circumstances are. But as of today, if that someone doesn’t come your way, learn to love yourself even more. Because He never fails to surprise you with good things, maybe at times it is disguised with bad things, but the result of everything is something that is good for you. Life is not perfect, it will never be. To love takes risks in making yourself someone’s somebody. And yes, it is not as easy as how it looks. But we do not have any rewind option with what happened to our life because we choose that. I mean, we entered this thing, yes. We should’ve readied ourselves because the one might enter to you at a great, majestic, or dramatic moment. And with that, all the dramas above will be disregarded.