Just one day…

The cold air that touches me, it makes me feel sad… I couldn’t sleep with the thought of not getting over you. The funny thing is, we never got into relationship, and yet, I’m in this insanely painful condition. I was really in love, I fell. I was happily waiting for weekends because I know you’re going to talk to me. I’m waking up to your call even if that is 1 am, 2, 3 or 4. I’m excited whenever I know there’s a chance we’d meet.  Everything about you makes me happy. I’ve exerted much effort just to show you how much I mean the words ‘I love you.’ to the extent of forgetting to love myself. How selfless. But I was happy with all those. It was my choice. The only thing I forgot to do is to think of an exit strategy. And know I’m having a hard time. It’s been a year. Just so you know. And I thought I was fine, I was okay with it, I was happy that you’re happy, but I AM NOT. The only thing I’m done now is fooling myself that I am happy, that I am fine, because to tell you the truth… I’m getting bad, again. I don’t really have any idea what to do, or where this write-up going… I just miss you. So much. If only I had a choice with the life I’m in, I won’t choose to be in this complicated state. If only I could choose who to love, but I couldn’t. If only everything would go in everyone’s way. It will be perfect. But that’s kind of impossible. But it can be. The thing is, it won’t be perfect. And with all these thoughts, how can I possibly get over it? I’m tired because I tried so hard. Maybe today, I just need to spend time with you. Just one last day with you. And I guess I’m going to figure out something.

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