Being committed is clearly out of my plans in this phase of my life. I don’t know why, but I prefer not to. I just don’t like to be with someone who’ll leave me sooner and get married with other person. That’s what I think. That is what my mind tells me. Maybe I am stereotyping, but who cares, this is what I feel. And what I envision was I’m that person you won’t like to be with. At some point you’ll try to, but end up losing it. I got this fancy idea of the reasons why it will be hard for you to stay with me;
(1) I admit it, I’m a stubborn kid. I do what I want, and I fight for it, by any means.
(2) I’m a busy person. I just want to be on-the-go with no one telling me, “No, you can’t go there.” “No, you can’t help them.” “No, you can’t!” I’m just going to tell you that, “No, you can’t stop me.” I have lived my life with a supporting family who let’s me do things as long as I can handle it.
(3) I can’t get a handle on adding some drama into my life. I know that a thing like this can’t be gnarly but somehow I anticipate a movie-like love story.
(4) I want to look strong and be strong in any way, and I think this is my weak side. The thing we call love.
(5) I’m afraid to get hurt or to unintentionally hurt someone. I don’t know how to cope up with these things. That sounds gay but, honestly, I am.
(6) I have this lunatic fantasy that the one I’ll commit my life and love with would be the one I will stay with, forever.
(7) The worst reason would be, I prefer being alone. I may not want the feeling but, somehow, it makes me want to be unaccompanied. But in time, by instance, I might realize that I need someone to be there, someone who will stay.
People think of me with a flawless façade. That I am almost perfect and ideal, but I can assure you, I am not. I just don’t like people expecting something. I’m not making myself someone-who-is-not-your-type. I’m just waiting for someone who will, unintentionally, change my perceptions. Someone who can cope up with me being a knuckle-headed dude, I’ll just wait. I know there’s someone out there. Just be ready to face all these. 😉